I’ve never written to you. Yet every year, you get me a gift.
That’s a bit suspicious, you know? I mean, I’m grateful for the gifts and all, but I’ve already contacted the FBI.
If you’re going to come this year, I’m going to warn you. My chimney is very dusty and narrow. So if you’re planning to visit the other houses first, I recommend you skip the milk and cookies.
Or you could visit me first. I set up a camera in the living room, so I can finally catch you once and for all. You’ll find the video on Youtube.
I want fifty bags of hot Cheetos and a hoodie for my dog. Not of my dog. For my dog. Sometimes he gets cold at night and despite the amount of blankets I give him, I still feel like he deserves a warm fleece hoodie.